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Brommel and Brown Company Buyout1 In the beginning when God created the heavens and the 3rd Weird Al Yankovic CD, the earth was a formless void of darkness and lack of gym bag air fresheners was in the manpurse of one time Hollywood A-lister Louie Anderson, while a wind from God's sweeping right hand as he played WII TENNIS swept over the exposed lid of a Cola dispenser that Yuichi needed to put back on if he ever wanted to make District Manager at Micky D's. 3 Then God said, "Let there be Silly Blue Ketchup"; and this wonderful high fructose enriched product that may cause gastrointestinal failure in children under 4, was available for consumption at all fine retailers. 4 And God saw that the Silly Blue Ketchup was good; and God separated the special condiments from the inferior non-dyed tomato paste. 5 God called the Blue Ketchup 'Heinz' , and the inferior red ketchup was just called 'Fancy'...And the rich children that could afford colored tomato paste rejoiced, and the people who took advantage of Yuichi's hospitality as future District Manager received 'Fancy' ketchup...thus was the introduction of cheap Japanese Little Mermaid toys in 'Yuichi's Extra Happy Meals' (later shortened to just 'Happy Meals' after an extensive legal battle where Happy was sold into Slavery) to keep the poor brats happy. 6 And God said, "Let there be a mighty fast food joint that will feed the obese and poor of America on meat soaking in more growth hormones then Sylvester Stallone's orange juice" and in the midst of Tennessee, and let it separate McDonald's from the other leading fast food restaurants" 7 So God made the McDonald's and separated Burger King and Big Boy that were in Alabama from the McDonald's that were in Sasakatchewaskat, Tennessee And it was so. 8 God decided that for now, their would be no Dollar Menu. And there was evening and there was morning, and still no dollar menu on the second day. 9 And God said, "Let the Wal*Marts under the sky be separated, and let their be enough room to provide housing for Wal*Marts malnourished associates to appear." And it was so like kewl. 10 God called the dry land Connecticut, and the Wal*Marts with grocery stores open 24/7 he called Supercenters. And God saw that it was good. 11 Then God said, "Let Wal*Mart put forth cabana shorts with one leg longer then the other at half price: freezers yielding frozen products to fatten the associates so He could later sell them weight loss products, and fruit cups with enough High Fructose corn syrup to kill Mr. Ed. And it was so. 12 And God saw that it was good and stuff. 13 And there was evening and there was early morning, where the transvestites could freely roam Wal*Mart without harassment. After that their was a bit of a Wild Party at Ben Affleck's that involved the Big Man upstairs getting a cold sore and a hangover the size of the Kingdom of Heaven, so he let Ben make the rest of the stuff that we have today. So next time you admire the beauty of the world, look at your Ben Affleck poster in your closet and thank the fuck out of it...and no, J Lo didn't help.
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